It’s been a long time since the last random story and today I was desperately in the need of writing something out. 

It’s kind of funny that I used to have too much time to think in Finland and hardly anytime to do that while being in Vietnam. One of the reasons for my depression during those years studying abroad is because I thought too much about every possible thing and then get myself stucked among those without a way out. And now I found out that I barely have time to think and the reason is I barely have time to be alone, in a quiet place, and nothing to worry about just for a few moments. 

That’s it. It seems like whenever I am back, I have tons of things added up to the mountain of worriness and until now I haven’t figured out the reason yet. I hope I can soon, because it might drive me crazy someday. The thing is, this feeling lies between the worry and panic state so I have no idea what the name of it. I can’t ( and don’t want to) tell anybody about it. I only want to write it out. 

It feels good to write out whatever is in your mind like this. Sometimes I wonder whether I suffer from depression, a serious one even. But I am not afraid of it. What I am fraid of is no one realizes that, even me; and everything is just an assumption. 

Whether this is just a moment of weakness or a hint of incoming depression period, I am glad that I can write it out. And I am aware that this post presents a totally different vibe to other posts in my blog, but I am a normal person with ups and downs anyway.